Everyone is trying to show the good side of their life. On Instagram people will take hundreds of photos in the exact same location and place the one out of 700 that match their “perfect life image”. It is a joke.
The truth about friends is really simple. If you have more than 5 tier one friends you are a very rich man/woman and should go to sleep with a smile on your face every single day. We repeat. Every single day. Why? A “real” friend is someone you have known for at least 5-10 years, does not waste your time and consistently looks to improve himself (also a millionaire or better). Good luck!
With the harsh backdrop out of the way here is how we look at friendships. Feel free to disagree.
Tier 1 – A “Real Friend”
No different than a ranking system in a Company, your friends should also have tiers. This is not sunshine and rainbows. It is called having high standards. If someone can be your “bestie” in less than 9 months we all know you’ve burned hundreds of bridges in the past. A smart person will take mental note and realize that you may not be the best person to spend time with.
1) A Tier 1 Friend is Busy: Anyone worth knowing is not going to spend every single weekend hanging out with the same person. In fact, a tier one friend will unlikely talk to you every single day and once a week is more than enough. We are being extremely loose with this definition and would say once every two weeks is probably more than enough as well.
Why? Simple. Anyone who is dedicated to being the best person they can be is not going to spend his time drinking with you at Starbucks everyday debating the meaning of “life”. This is what hippies do and if you’ve seen a hippie you sure as hell do not want to end up like them.
In Short: A real friend does not have time to console you every single day and is too busy to ever do such a thing. This is a positive. If you’re interested in becoming “the best you” (cliche we know) then you’re not going to have time for this either. Both of you are on the same page and realize “when we all die we get to meet the best person we could have become.” Most will be severely disappointed.
2) Doesn’t Force You to Bend Your Credibility: A smart person knows his words should have weight. This does not mean your message should be “perfect”. We live in a world where nit-pickers will be looking for you to “slip” on 140 character tweets (no joke people do this!). However. A good friend is more than happy to have your back (you will have his as well) in any battle of *reputation*.
A great example is when someone challenges your friend’s knowledge base. We’ve laughed extremely hard when we see people arguing over fitness and we are 100% certain that one of them is a top 5% athlete in the United States. It is a joke!
This is extremely similar to running a business. Your Company is your reputation. As they say you can replace the CEO with a man who has a stellar reputation and suddenly the Company’s image will change.
In Short:A tier one friend has enough personal information about you to have your back. In addition, you will *never* put *their* reputation at risk. The best way to do this is to prove your credentials to them through multiple sources before making claims. As they say “If you’re good at something, others will say it for you”.
3) Must Be Financially Successful: In order to be a tier one friend, they must be a millionaire. No exceptions. Elitist? Yes. Reality? Yep. Pretty simple reason as well. If you are rich and your friend is rich… You don’t need each other.
If a person is 1) financially independent, 2) does not work in the same industry as you and 3) consistently tries to improve his/her life… You’ve met a 0.5%er. You have read that correctly. Not 1% but less than one half of one percent or ~1.5 million out of the ~300M people in the United States [Yes we know the population is now about 330M you nit-pickers! We know you’re reading!]
In Short: It is extremely difficult for someone to break into the tier one friend arena. It should be. If you are financially well off, physically in great shape and consistently improve your own life… You’re well into the 0.5%.
Why is the filter so harsh on finances? Simple, if you’re rich … You will not know if people are interested in you or if they are parasites.
That is the real reason why it is “lonely at the top”. Fortunately, it is better to have a handful of friends and be at the top, than be at the bottom.
4) Will Shut You Down (Keeping You Honest):
Second chances are for people who have no options. If your girlfriend/boyfriend cheats on you and you do not leave immediately you’re an idiot and have low self esteem. A loser.
A friend is no different. If they make off color remarks and people are too brain-dead to see the point of the remarks, you step in and explain it. However. If your friend ever backstabs you or forces you to lie… You leave forever. It goes both ways. A real friend is not going to have your back when you are dead wrong. Differing opinions and deceit are certainly not the same and a bright person will know the difference.
As a friend of ours says, we will butcher the quote, “You can look past a mistake, you can’t look past a character flaw” – Mike Cernovich. See there’s an example of a mistake (joke).
In Short: A friend is not willing to lie for you when you’ve shown material character flaws and second chances are for people who have no options. You should be rewarded for *not needing* a second chance in the first place. Don’t surround yourself with “yes men” because they will be the first to ditch you when your company has a bad quarter.
5) No Complaining: You can be a narcissist (we are admittedly narcissists!) and you can be a prima-donna but you absolutely cannot ask for other people to solve your problems. If that sentence appears to be contradictory the distinction is subtle. You can make noise, be boisterous, be aggressive but you cannot *ask for other people to solve your problems*. Some people are extremely extroverted at all times but the one thing they do? They solve their own problems.
If you want to to live life that fast lane life to the top… You better be prepared to change *a lot* of tires.
Notice. This is exactly why a good friend will *not* work in the same business line as you. If you end up competing with one another or being forced to work together the tension will rise since both of you are incredibly aggressive individuals.
In Short: The difference between a complaint and a hilarious loudmouth is simple. Follow their actions. If they talk on the phone all day about their frustrations and do nothing about it… Throw the phone number into the garbage. If the person goes off once and a while about the problems he’s solving and tells you *how he solved it* about three months later… Save the number carefully into your rolodex.
Summary of Tier 1:
Exhausted yet? This is the baseline for having a friend be anywhere near the tier one category. It is up to everyone reading this post to decide where their standards are but these are ours. We do not trust individuals who are not millionaires. We do not lie for our friends (vice versa). We do not talk to our close friends daily. We do not enlist “yes men”. Finally, we do not have tolerance for complaints while we are more than happy to enlist prima-donnas.
Pro-Tip: You will find that average people will call extremely successful people “cocky or arrogant”. This is because they have no idea what it takes to win and they go into battles thinking they are going to lose (loser belief system). As long as other successful people view you as extremely competitive (not arrogant) you have balanced the see-saw appropriately.
Tier 2 Friends
Many many people will end up living in this area for long periods of time. The real hurdles to overcome are 1) finances, 2) watching the ups and downs and 3) time. From a historical stand point, over the course of 10 years you will watch a Tier 2 friend go through both a terrible failure and an amazing success. If he/she is running on all cylinders for 10+ years straight he’s going to both crash and burn and win one of those races no doubt. You’ll see their responses and get ready for the fireworks!
1) The Financial Makings of a Winner: A positive mindset is not going to make you rich. Sorry. If you think happy go lucky thoughts all of the time no one is going to pay you a dime.
A future financial winner is going to do two things: 1) Solve problems aggressively and 2) learn to sell.
If you can solve problems and sell there is practically no way you will be broke for a decade. The problem? You will be extremely *inefficient*! (our favorite topic by FAR is efficiency).
If you or someone you know appears to have the makings of a winner then your only goal is to help improve their efficiency with your knowledge! After providing basic advice their skill-set should soar and they will clear the financial hurdle in a hurry. Oh. By the way? They will go through a binge drinking/drug/partying spout just like you did when you made your first million dollars. You did it as well so don’t be a hater!
In Short: From a financial perspective, if a person is smart and knows how to sell and solve problems… he will eventually succeed. You can bet on it. The main difference is the person will lack efficiency wasting hundreds of hours of time. This is exactly why older men and women tend to work less but their time spent is extremely efficient.
2) Watching the Volatility: You will learn a lot. Both the good and bad about someone as they go through a full up cycle and a full down cycle. You will not know what type of person they are until you see a full cycle. Some individuals go completely silent in a down cycle and ignore the rest of their life until the problem is solved (business issue, career issue or an other personal issue). Others will start networking… So on and so forth.
The real key in watching a volatile “full cycle” is simple… Do they reveal any materially negative character flaws? If the answer is no then you’ve met a 0.5%er. We all have negative personality traits, but a character flaw is not fixable. Never has been and never will be.
In Short: A full cycle, something that feels like rock bottom and something that feels like being “king of the world” will give you a full glimpse of their personality. From bottom to top you’ll find many good and bad personality traits but if there are no material walk-away character flaws… You’re good to go.
3) Time: We strongly suggest you look for a handful of friends when you’re young and in your 20s. Why? You’ve given yourself enough time to build a meaningful friendship. *And*. You will both be extremely busy since you’ve just graduated College.
In Short: Time is an important aspect of life. You don’t get it back. Similar to health you cannot buy health and you cannot buy time. Yes you can buy the best *healthcare* but you cannot buy the time wasted getting said healthcare due to bad health! Health and Time always defeat money which is why 10 years is an enormous amount of time spent with a single person (albeit sporadic).
Summary of Tier 2
There is not much of a difference between Tier 1 and Tier 2 to be honest. Finding people who can be added to tier two is really the most difficult part of the process. Notably, the people in tier 2 certainly do not need to be the same age as you. It is almost easier to find a younger person who has similar qualities as you, help them with their inefficiencies in navigating life and create a friend that way. Hence the whole reason to give back (to future successful people only of course).
Tier 3 – Search Process
Finding a good friend is about as likely as finding a good spouse. Now that you’re done laughing you’ll realize the dire odds of finding people who fit the bill.
We don’t even have a solution here to be perfectly honest and if someone has a good way to filter we’re all ears. Here’s a high level suggestion (a terrible one at best)
– Hang out in the expensive part of town. While many people are certainly there to be *seen* you’ll eventually learn how to spot people who live in the area and distinguish them from visitors
– Assume success for the first thirty minutes. Many successful people are not great with first impressions if they’ve had a long day running a company or selling xyz all day long. Once you’ve gotten a feel for their knowledge base hit them with the tried and true “Hey i know nothing about this can you tell me about it”. Make sure you are a top 5% expert on the topic and you’ll see if he’s a liar. (typical hedge fund move we know!).
– Ignore emotions and word choice. Easier said than done. You’re much better off looking at the *actions* of the person than anything that is said. Why? Most people who stab you in the back will happily tell you to your face “This is why we get along so well! (smile)”. Typically they are about to throw you under the bus. Hard.
– Act 5-10% dumber than the people that are around you. Acting dumb to get ahead is real.
**********
There you have it. If you get to five friends you will always be rich. It is only lonely at the top if you are not smart enough to realize each friend of yours is worth 200+ regular people (Literally!). It’s worth it!
Thanks to this website I’ve realised over the last year or so that most of my family and “friends” are pretty much losers.
Damn, growth is painful.
On the plus side you’ve inspired me to achieve things I’ve never thought of before, I’m trying to follow so much of the advice written here because I know it’s high quality.
Keep up the good work, have a good Christmas.
Strong dose of reality here.
All young boys need to hear this and incorporate it into their life philosophy. Gosh, I wish I had this resource 20 years ago.
Excellent commentary WSPs.
Subscriber.
Ha. You will find out who your friends are around 30… They’ll drop like flies. Many may resent you and only a handful care about bettering themselves for such a long duration of time.
Most people talk way too easily about “friendship” and profess to have a lot of friends. Fact is in most cases that is not true. Real friends are very seldom and one can call himself very lucky if there are some of them in his life.
Yep. One friend is worth 200 so if you have one you’re already in the top 10% nationwide.
Negative personality trait vs character flaw?
Since this is a clarification… Will try to answer.
1) you need your own definition
2) a good example is someone doing an act out of *resent/hatred” versus a *mistake*. If you are playing sports together and get into a fight, that is just competition and part of the game. If a guy tries to get you fired behind your back that is hatred (Hint: a co-worker is *never* your friend, you must work in separate firms or business lines at minimum).
3) a character flaw is negative and harmful to people as a whole including you. A personality trait that is “negative” is simply a quirk. **Look at what the person does.** if he is simply hot headed = who gives a damn. If he’s typically extremely shy… Also who gives a damn. If he is gathering information to stab you in the back or refuses to answer 1-2 questions when you recently succeeded or failed… Kick him out immediately.
4. You will find your friend count decreases *more* when you succeed not when you fail.
Ah, that actually does make sense.
Graduating college soon. I am realizing that there are really only four friends I have made over four years that will be worth a damn in ten years. Senior year I have been putting my head down and working/focusing on my health, finances, knowledge etc. Some classmates (losers) deem this as an antisocial patter of behavior. Little do they know…
Lucky to have found WSPs! Thank you for the guidance.
I like point 4 of Tier 1. On the other hand, ditching people for having flaws is silly, at least as a general rule.
In general, I will just go with my gut. If there is some resonance and subjective benefit to me, if it makes me feel good to be friends with that person, I will.
Which kinda brings up the question of classifying what ‘friendship’ means. Am I being friends with somebody or am I just hanging out and enjoying myself? A bit difficult to put this into rules and I think it easier to just let it flow.
But still, interesting insight into your mind. I do not think I would want to be your friend. Too stressful to have to look good in front of others and be seen as top 0.5%. Then again, you would certainly not want to be mine, so it is all cool.
Gold
Your most recent posts are getting more and more politically incorrect. I can already imagine a certain forum hating on the idea that one of the markers of true friend is being a millionaire… That one will hurt many feelings, and polarize your audience even more.
Posts have become more and more advanced – this blog is past the point of “grind and make money”. Noticed this with the “playing dumb” one, a concept I would not have understood a year ago, but incorporated on my own before reading your post. Certain parts of this post I agree with, and other parts I have no idea what you mean. Guess it’ll come with more life experience.
Volatility is also a great way to filter friends. Very few people stay around when a man hits rock bottom, simply take attendance and most of the work is already done. Also why middle class people have mad friends… they’ve always been up, impossible for them to know who’s true and who’s not.
Great post.
Not sure why but got a laugh out of the comment. Don’t really see anything politically incorrect there, it is simply the truth.
A person who has a “ton of friends” really just has low standards. Trusting your personal life with someone who is broke is just never a good idea over the long term, you gain nothing and have everything to lose (ie: your time).
Maybe I should send this post around to my “friends” to see who cries after reading it. Good way to trim down the friend list?
Hahaha! Indeed.
PS: we sent you an email. Hopefully you saw it, if you’re too busy no worries.
I’m at a pretty liberal college so I’m still sort of in tune with the “views” of many students here… 99.9% of kids in undergrad could never fathom being a millionaire as a criteria for a true friend.
Older posts would’ve been understood by some… work out, make money, land good internships/jobs, don’t complain, etc. Filtering criteria by net worth of 1M? Way less.
Politically incorrect is in reference to the community I’m around.
Time to find a new community my friend! Before the rude awakening occurs that sunshine and rainbows don’t pay bills.
Glad you’ve figured this out earlier in life.
I like the barbell approach to friendships, ala Nassim Talebs.
A few tier one friends, and a “ton of friends” aka acquaintances.
And this breakdown of the process of getting a tier 1 friend is quite useful.
Thanks for the TwitterQ&A btw 🙂
21 years old here and only 1 friend of mine is tier 1. Living in another country now and I could not find even 1. All of them only want to waste time…
Fun fact is that we have been friends for 6 years and only after school he told me that his family was multimillionarie because of their business. We did not know, but my grandfather was also in the same business and he also succeed in life.
I got a scholarship in one of the best engineering universities and even there I am having troubles to find someone that is worth the time. I think the only way out is to join a start up. There, I will find people that really want to succeed in life.
When you acquire these said friends,it becomes so much easier to filter out the others.I compare them and i don’t care if its unfair for the ‘new’ guys.You develop an ‘anti-fuk-ups’ defense mechanism.
I think a fundamental question,to find a friend is:’if you had 1 million what would you do with it?’ Most would open their eyes wide open,start talking faster and louder and list fancy cars,hotels,staying in bed all day etc.Then ask them casually to pay for your coffee,meal,drink etc.Again,they will probably have an emotional reaction.Big money or little money. lols 🙂
Clarification: What do you mean by inefficient?
Far too long for a comment. Generally when you’re learning the ropes you waste hours of your time on useless tasks that add no value or could be done 20x faster.
All part of the learning curve.
I see. It’s the beginner problem of not knowing what you don’t know. That is what you meant by:
“If you or someone you know appears to have the makings of a winner then your only goal is to help improve their efficiency with your knowledge!”
(efficiency) = (value created) / (time spent creating value)
Ties in to analysis paralysis. Spending too much time researching theory means less time spent actually practically applying knowledge and figuring out what is important and what is not.
Great posts, as usual!
Correct
Funny how painfully accurate this post is. I am in my late 20s and I only have one friend left who falls in the tier 1 category. I am in this position because I wasted my 20s in people that didn’t really have the same ambitious mindset as I do and i also traveled a lot which didn’t allow me to stay in touch with strong contacts. What I realized however is that in order to find tier1 friends who are wealthy and want to get to know you, you need to be at their level financially. Unfortunately or fortunately we are status driven creatures and high-status people will always want to hang out with other high-status people. If you are not there yet bust your ass to get there. If you have people from your past (like my only tier1 friend) who are willing to help you and follow you in this process, consider yourself a lucky guy.
You hit it on the head.
Now everyone who reads this blog knows exactly why we’ve stopped answering questions.
Cernovich had been linking to you for a while.
Finally started reading you Jan this year. Cut out all other “blogs.” Reading and applying WSP completely transformed my mindset. Thanks.
Big lesson learned: *everything* has an opportunity cost—even people. May be a harsh view, but consider this: If I’m hanging around with losers/whiners, etc. how much is my mind being poisoned with dumb beliefs? How much energy am I putting into just resisting or reframing the bull**** I heard from them?
Even if I’m mentally strong enough to resist weak beliefs, whining, and “negativity”…it still saps my *energy* and my *time*
Energy & time that could’ve been used to build friendships that make me and the other guy stronger. Or energy that could have been used to solve a problem and make money.
I’d be silly to choose a small $$$ over big $$$ (All else being equal)…if it takes me the same amount of time and effort to sell both.
Same logic applies to people you choose to spend time with…except tier 1 friends can be like a good business model:
–Has large potential to scale/grow/adapt
–If approached right, can lead to minimal input with maximal output
You can try for multiple years in a row to make a mediocre person great. It will never work.
Learn the signs of potential and your time will be better spent elsewhere.
Any chance of expanding on the signs of potential?
We may do a post on it in the future, too long for a comment
Thirst.
It doesn’t matter if it’s women, money, attention etc. you should avoid those afflicted with it.
Not being able to get laid or keep at least one attractive woman around should be added to the list.
If a guy has trouble with women, when you bring a 9+ (or even 8+) around him, expect him to scheme to attempt bang her behind your back (I learned this long ago and have unfortunately seen it play out multiple times with what seemed at the time like otherwise decent guys).
Also you’ll see this with not being financially independent or able to generate revenue (or as was stated here, being a millionaire).
It comes down to one thing: Value Differential.
You simply cannot have a high value person and a low value person in close contact without either A) A change in one or both of their status i.e. HVP goes down, LVP goes up, both move or B) Tension with the LVP feeling jealous towards the HVP, and/or the HVP feeling guilty towards the LVP.
That is, unless, the person/people have a strong philosophy of life (the basis of character) that allows them to look past a certain thing of value (such as an attractive partner or wealth) and not be attached to it / craving it to the point of resenting the other person.
On jealously and nature: It is natural but not unchangeable. One natural example: If you give a chimp a cucumber, he’ll eat it and be grateful, however it is low quality food. If you give the same chimp a cucumber but you give his “friend” a grape, he’ll throw the cucumber away and refuse to eat it, because it’s not “fair”.
But as was touched upon, it comes down to character, which is just a lived belief system. When someone is faced with a value differential is their thought “What has he done to deserve that?” or “I deserve that more than him.” or “He’s got plenty of (Money/Women/Whatever) and I have little/none. He can spare it.”
Personality is an outgrowth of character (If I believe in taking responsibility for myself then I am unlikely to have the personality trait of complaining. If I believe in alleviating suffering in others then I am unlikely to maliciously put others down.) and personality over time shapes character, but the point is about what ethical system the person lives by (or the lack thereof), and thus whether you can rely on them to do the “right” thing in important circumstances.
And what I paid less attention to before in various circumstances was how this choice to take self responsibility, to strive to achieve consistently and across domains in one’s life, was a key component of character that ultimately meant whether the relationship with that person would develop significant tension at some point.
One practical example from my life is discussing business with people I went to high school with, who are still working for an hourly wage. I’m no Donald Trump, but it is hard for certain people to stomach when I make as much on one deal as they make in an entire year. If other people are working by the hour and you’re learning to invest, this may happen sooner than you expected.
What’s interesting is to see this up close with a friend (read: attractive woman) who is starting their own business, making the transition. I’ve encouraged them and helped them plan it out, and the very first time they made $185 for an hour consulting session they told me how shocked they were, how they didn’t believe it would work. They also said how angry it made them to go back to their normal job (which they have not yet been able to quit) to make $20/hr. That anger was turned inward at themselves, for feeling stupid that they work all day making the same money they could make in one hour. That same anger is turned towards a successful person when the potential is on the outside, and you have the jealously and resentment that makes the relationship untenable.
Yeah there are going to be haters on this and hate mail. But that’s the point. People hate on others so that they don’t have to change. If you don’t hate on WSPs then the only other options are A) Shut down your browser (ignore this post) or B) Take a hard honest look at your life and get to making positive changes.
Or to put it another way, if you’re faced with the truth you either have to turn away (ignore), distort it (hate, and often by attacking the character of the one sharing), or act on it.
P.S. When are you guys going to stop calling yourselves narcissists? Thirsty for attention would be another trait of narcissists, which is not how I see this blog or other indicators. It’s not thinking “I want people to pay attention to me” it’s “I want people to pay attention to me to make me feel I am worth it, good enough, cool, smart etc.” instead of “I want people to pay attention to me because I have genuine, actionable information gleamed from hard won experience and I know I can help others by sharing it.”
When are you guys going to stop calling Yourselves narcissists?
Answer: when it doesn’t help us troll our haters on Twitter : )
Causes their minds to short circuit!
lol.
Alright, good point.
Hey Re,
I’ve always appreciated your comments. It helps not only gaining information from WSPs but from others who have obviously done well for themselves in life. Just validates that improving your life is possible through numerous means.
I understand if it’ something you don’t want to talk about, speaking in non-specific terms could still help me out, but how are you advising a person who makes $20/hr to a position where they’re consulting for significantly more than they’re hourly wage? Is the topic of consultation directly related to the hourly job or just a topic that they have significant information.
Would appreciate any insight!
No problem.
The field is in the same domain but it’s not a 1:1, so her job serves as a good source of new clients. (Sidenote: you could undercut your boss in a direct 1:1 but that’s not something I recommend, many people do this and it is a quick way to get fired if you are found out. Better to have a complementary business.)
It’s something she is very knowledgeable about which she has spent years cultivating.
If you have something that you are very good at but have not monetized then consulting could be beneficial to you.
For example, you have some sort of normal job but you have been lifting and tweaking your diet for years to the point that you’re in excellent shape. People normally comment on this, tell you how fit you are.
You could then likely charge similar to a person trainer / dietitian, so develop a business plan, doesn’t have to be too complicated, and then next time when someone compliments or shows interest you give them your elevator pitch and get their contact information.
Send them an email with the standard questions you want them to answer, tailor a plan to them, and then execute it with them.
For instance give them a diet overhaul and training program specific to their needs, which you prepare for them and then review it with them, maybe $150. Meet them for several follow up workouts, doing all the workouts in the program, along with checking in on the diet progress for tweaks, $75 per 1-hour session.
Most importantly it comes down to having something you are deeply knowledgeable about / very good at, which you have been doing for yourself for years anyway (then again, I’m sure there are ways to get very good at something in a shorter period of time and consult on that too. This is just an example of a business anyone can start with something they are “passionate” about and have been diligently improving and which has a market demand.).
Further, since you are doing it directly, you don’t split the profits with anyone and likely have very little overhead. Also since they want you and not “any old” personal trainer/whatever, you can charge a premium, yet again if you will travel to their homes (likely before or after your normal job). And also, when you pitch them you sell them on the service and on you, which is a major advantage “We’re not going to go the standard health club route, where people come in year after year looking exactly the same, since I’m independent I can help you in a way that gets results” etc.
And finally, target wealthy areas, you want people who would be willing to pay a lot for a premium service and can afford to shell out for the convenience.
By the way, something like this is not a permanent solution by any means, it’s more to get out of a low paying job solution until you can find something better. If opposed to $160/day for 8 hours, you make $150/day for 2 hours, you have the option to ratchet up and get more clients / work more hours or you use that extra time to work on a scalable business that will give you passive income.
Also, having flexibility in your normal job would be helpful because building a pipeline of clients and booking yourself enough to replace your day job can be a challenge, it might be better to do that a little at a time i.e. take off Fridays just to do consulting.
I hope this overview helps. Good luck.
A good filtering method (especially for charismatic individuals):
Watch for trends of the person immediately breaking conversation when someone of perceived higher status enters the room. Can be career oriented or simply an attractive woman.
If you repeatedly lose their attention as soon as the “next best thing” is around, you can bet they don’t respect you on a subconscious level.
Everyone slips from time-to-time. But, in my experience, this is something worth observing. We’ve all been at the bar/club/social-event with that one guy who spends 85% of the time scanning the crowd or checking their cellphone – pathetic.
Also this was a very good post, I’m actually going to reread it a few times.
Interesting comment on social interactions and thank you!
Nothing pisses me off when a guy you are having a conversation with blatantly ignores you to talk to a attractive woman nearby.
Major personality turn off.
Hi WSPs! Been a reader for a few months and I want to thank you for everything you do.
This is now the only blog I read regularly to remind myself of how life’s winners behave…
So many of the ways I behave are looked down upon by average people in my life [family, the hardest average people to remove for an asian haha], so your writing serves as an anchor for my life.
Thank you for this.
In response to “The Quintessential Man” you are correct. I normally don’t want to hang out with [catch-all term] losers. Only successful people carving out their place in the world.
This naturally led to an occasional touch relationships with those kinds of people which only after reading this blog I realized is totally normal and not a failing on my part to continually talk with people like “average” people do…
Now while I have amazingly successful friends, reality is soon to catch up for my own actions too. I’m hustling like hell to get on equal footing with my more financially successful friends and in turn leverage that into much more efficient/effective impact per ounce of effort spent. 🙂
One thing that has helped me over the years and may help others: keep in mind the distinction between “alone” and “lonely”/a loner…a key ingredient in society’s koolaid is the supposed “need” for “friends”. My path, as I’m sure is the case for many others, has involved long, intense periods of solitude to get shit done. Here and there you may start to question (but more so parents, siblings, etc) whether you are working too much, not socializing enough, whether you have enough “friends”, etc. If you physically/mentally at any given point can keep on working, do it. Hang out with people when you are utterly exhausted or you have an achievement worth celebrating (the bar for the latter should be set high). I once in a while bump into people I went to high school with. While I did my fair share of partying, I consistently pushed myself to work as much as possible, and most importantly, more effectively. The others didn’t…and their lives suck, both objectively and subjectively (you can see it on their faces). To summarize: “pay the toll when you’re young, at the start of your journey, and take the express route. Otherwise, you’ll get stuck in traffic and risk never getting where you want to go”. It all comes down to deferred gratification.
“deferred gratification”
no joke, probably the key to (human) life
Yep, cliche but true.
This idea can also be used to test people. For example, I have in-laws that will look at you like you are completely crazy if you mention the idea of delayed gratification. To them, it’s completely normal to buy a new Mercedes every couple years on a 90K income.
They give me a lot of practice with my “nod smile and move on” technique.
Great filtering protocol!
I’d like to read more about what you mean by ‘character flaws’.
Everyone has 2-4 quirks about them that might be weird but if they’re worth being friends with then it’s just part of the package.
Those are just quirks. Not character flaws. Someone might
Some people have failings in their mentality that hurt themselves or people around them in a chronic manner. Its a quirk that hurts people… And could hurt you too if you’re around it.
If you lay with dogs you wake with fleas…
If you have friends that are lowlifes, no matter how great you think you are.. your friends represent you enough.
Not much further explanation is needed.
Many people worth knowing can be weird in their own way…
Some people are just toxic.
Thanks legend.
Now that I look at my question above, I wasn’t clear at all. I know what a character flaw is.
So, what I meant is that maybe Wall Street Playboys have a ton of experience spotting character flaws. And they could do a killer post about that. I would definitely be interested in reading it.
no need to look for character flaws in people, you will be searching all day long, just recognize the signs of a winner … and avoid “average” people if you can.
My personal favorite…happened last night at a family party. Talking to a 24 yr old.
“Yeah I was interviewing with JP Morgan but it fell through.”
Me: “IB?”
“No Retail/Personal (I forget which one) banking”
“Oh…”
This has happened at least 3-4 times in the past 2 months.
Hey Re,
This is a reply to the comment you replied for me. Thanks for the great advice! Obviously WSPs enjoyed it as they highlighted it on their twitter page.
The funny thing about your overview is it falls in line extremely well with where i find myself currently. I’ve been a D1 athlete and continue to workout but never had the passion/desire to monetize something i considered a life necessity. I will give serious thought into implementing the advice you gave but once again I’d just like to share my gratitude.
Look forward to hearing further advice that you choose to impart on the comment section!
Wow… Great read and great insight. It’s a hard thing to see but yes this is pretty much the only way to weed out nonsense in these so called friends. It’s truly hard to find true friends that fit that criteria of this post.
Great post as usual guys!
I think all rich/successful people use this kind of criteria to filter out people. Maybe that is why a lot of them have very few friends? Unless their business requires them to maintain a large social circle?
It’s sad how true this is. I’m 22 and I’ve had to give up numerous activities I’d otherwise enjoy because the people who pursue those activities are people who bring me down. This includes many bad activities, like playing video games and smoking weed, but also a few good ones, like playing a in a local band where everyone else was much less talented than me. This is not a statement to brag (which most will see it as), simply the truth.
Also my wealth proves a problem when things that are a pittance for me are a week’s worth of savings for them.
A wise man once said to choose your five best friends carefully you’ll end up just like them. This is 100% true.